I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want to walk on stilts...naked
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
