did you get engaged???
Welp...herpes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
