I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
