Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
