Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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