i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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