if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
