We should be called the Road Head Warriors
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
