i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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