he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
