hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
