I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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