Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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