your parents love me but you hate me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
