I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
