so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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