the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
