...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
