I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
