Cold hands, warm shart.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
