we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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