3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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