In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
