I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
