Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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