upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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