I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
