he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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