oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
