there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
