it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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