Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
