Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
