my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
