you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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