he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
