I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
