dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
