I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
