Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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