Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
