She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
