He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
