he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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