I can feel you judging me through the phone.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
