I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
