I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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