who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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