Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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