A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
