i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
