If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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