Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
